The first ("Don't tell someone in a wheelchair how attractive they are as though it's a surprise") sadly, is not one commonly heard by Crippled Squirrel here. Though maybe "You must have good muscles to do that" counts? That's something I heard a bit during the summer as I whizzed up the ramp onto a bus and did my sharp three-point turn to shoot backwards in to the wheelchair space.
I'm not quite sure what my response to that should be. "Fancy a quick feel?" Maybe not.
Moving on, we have "I broke my leg/ankle/got an ingrowing toenail and I used a wheelchair, so I know what it's like." Actually, no you don't.
"You're an inspiration". The equivalent of this to males is something about being 'brave'. There's nothing particularly inspiring about being in a wheelchair, really. Or brave. It's just something you have to do.
"It's fate, karma, god's will", whatever. No it wasn't. In my case, as in some others, it was an accident.
"Let me help you!" Now this is a tricky one. Nothing wrong with that, as long as people ask first. "Helping" takes several forms, some people in wheelchairs need, some they don't. It's people who don't ask first that are the problem. Someone rushes up and puts their hand between your legs to pick up your dropped cigarette lighter . . .Well, would you do that to just anyone? It's a bit disconcerting.
But it's people who decide you need an extra push that are not just disconcerting but frightening. It really is a nasty shock to find yourself suddenly propelled forward a few metres unexpectedly. Especially as it's from behind, and you don't see it coming. You wouldn't suddenly grasp a stranger round the waist from behind and twirl them round on a public pavement, would you?
It's very scary, that sudden feeling you've totally lost control over where you're going. Wheelchair users aren't particularly paranoid, but just a few seconds of fright as you wonder if you're going to be pushed under a bus or something . . .well, you can imagine, can't you?
Happened to me quite a lot this last summer.
And there's the perennial sidebar to the 'god's will' thing. The idea that with all that cheerful determination and will power, there's bound to be some miraculous cure one way or another, and one day you can throw your wheelchair away. Well, no, again. If there was, we'd have done that already. That determined look is just because, if you're disabled, you just have to be determined to get a lot of things done. Like climbing a mountain or swimming ten lengths of an Olympic pool or something.
Nothing particularly new about all that. But it was some of the responses that took me aback. It rather looked as though even some people who thought they'd got the point still managed to miss it.
"If i see a woman in a wheelchair who dropped her keys, i probably would offer to help, not so much because of the wheelchair, but more because it's a "damsel in distress". and let's face it, if you're cute, it's only going to encourage guys more to want to be helpful. this may not be fair, but it is life."
"I gave to one of my very good friends confined in wheel chair due to multiple leg fractures(had a nasty fall in the house) one latest book of her favourite author and two cds made of all soothing popular cheerful instrumental music so that she can listen this keeps her busy& cheerful and less chance of self pity."
"I hope you realize that you are admirable to some people - because you are a living reminder of all that able-bodied people take for granted. Make peace with the fact that your life has more meaning than you could have anticipated."
I'm not quite sure what my response to that should be. "Fancy a quick feel?" Maybe not.
Moving on, we have "I broke my leg/ankle/got an ingrowing toenail and I used a wheelchair, so I know what it's like." Actually, no you don't.
"You're an inspiration". The equivalent of this to males is something about being 'brave'. There's nothing particularly inspiring about being in a wheelchair, really. Or brave. It's just something you have to do.
"It's fate, karma, god's will", whatever. No it wasn't. In my case, as in some others, it was an accident.
"Let me help you!" Now this is a tricky one. Nothing wrong with that, as long as people ask first. "Helping" takes several forms, some people in wheelchairs need, some they don't. It's people who don't ask first that are the problem. Someone rushes up and puts their hand between your legs to pick up your dropped cigarette lighter . . .Well, would you do that to just anyone? It's a bit disconcerting.
But it's people who decide you need an extra push that are not just disconcerting but frightening. It really is a nasty shock to find yourself suddenly propelled forward a few metres unexpectedly. Especially as it's from behind, and you don't see it coming. You wouldn't suddenly grasp a stranger round the waist from behind and twirl them round on a public pavement, would you?
It's very scary, that sudden feeling you've totally lost control over where you're going. Wheelchair users aren't particularly paranoid, but just a few seconds of fright as you wonder if you're going to be pushed under a bus or something . . .well, you can imagine, can't you?
Happened to me quite a lot this last summer.
And there's the perennial sidebar to the 'god's will' thing. The idea that with all that cheerful determination and will power, there's bound to be some miraculous cure one way or another, and one day you can throw your wheelchair away. Well, no, again. If there was, we'd have done that already. That determined look is just because, if you're disabled, you just have to be determined to get a lot of things done. Like climbing a mountain or swimming ten lengths of an Olympic pool or something.
Nothing particularly new about all that. But it was some of the responses that took me aback. It rather looked as though even some people who thought they'd got the point still managed to miss it.
"If i see a woman in a wheelchair who dropped her keys, i probably would offer to help, not so much because of the wheelchair, but more because it's a "damsel in distress". and let's face it, if you're cute, it's only going to encourage guys more to want to be helpful. this may not be fair, but it is life."
"I gave to one of my very good friends confined in wheel chair due to multiple leg fractures(had a nasty fall in the house) one latest book of her favourite author and two cds made of all soothing popular cheerful instrumental music so that she can listen this keeps her busy& cheerful and less chance of self pity."
"I hope you realize that you are admirable to some people - because you are a living reminder of all that able-bodied people take for granted. Make peace with the fact that your life has more meaning than you could have anticipated."
"As an adult who is well over 21 I am becoming impatient with being told what to say and how to behave. I refuse to become hyper-vigilant about how someone may react when my words don't meet their standards."
"Something I would like to ask , does your back hurt from sitting so much, I know if I sit for too long my back hurts and so does my backside."
Ouch.
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